Life Isn't The Same Anymore

Laughing, I picked up the phone and started dialing. . .let me tell him this stupid joke I heard.

I can feel the belly laughs. . . that we had.

Ugg, the phone bounces on the bed, getting up, I walk away. 

Damit You’re not here anymore!

Key's turning in the door, my eyes light up, the light reaches the corners of my lips.

I can't wait to see you walk through that door.

Damit You’re not here anymore!

JUST one more time I wish I could see you come through that door.

Hear your baritone voice booming, bouncing off the walls. 

You brought joy into every room you entered. This house feels empty without you here.

Damit You’re not here anymore!

Missing how you carried your light.  Those legs held so much swagger. . .

A love so fierce, each step you took demanded one to pay attention.

Damit You’re not here anymore!

Good intentions full of empty platitudes whispering, the pain will gradually fade. . .

STOP!!!

Shut your mouth, this is crushing me under its weight.

Yeah, I know you see me moving like I'm holding it altogether.

underneath. . .

Shattered fragments of glass, if you touch me, you may get cut.

One led foot in front of the other, I move.

Damit You’re not here anymore!

Most days I pray, don’t ask me any questions, I'm drifting away.

Words caught up in the cloud is all a fog.

I seen you!

Never requiring that you hide or pretend.

I watched the pain of this journey when it dropped you,

to your knees.

I seen you!

Damit You’re not here anymore!

My love ran so deep.

I wonder…

Can or will my life ever be the same, again?

I'm trying to accept the change, but I didn’t ask for this.

Hell, I didn't even want this change, you can have it back.

Damit You’re not here anymore!

GOD help me, hold me, guide me and keep me so I don’t disappear in this change

that I never asked for, nor did I ever imagine.

©Jean Loyd